he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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