Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
