I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
