I faked an abortion last night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
