So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
