He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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