apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
