Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
