I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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