I never want to see another naked old woman again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
