now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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