Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
