If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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