I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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