just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
