Im at strip club and am horny
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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