he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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