why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
