You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
