normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
