My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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