How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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