i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
