i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
