Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
