so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
