I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
