she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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