it hurts more in the daytime
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
