U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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