I wish i was in the wii world.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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