I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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