You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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