I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
