I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
