May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
