You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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