if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
