Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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