did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
