If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
