8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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