If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
