So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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