it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Every concussion has its silver lining
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
