"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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