1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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