Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
