You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
