If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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