at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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