; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
