just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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