We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
