I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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