Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
