fuck your aforementioned shoe
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
