So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
