Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
