i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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