at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
