It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
