her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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