And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
